The 4 M’s of Mental Health: A Neuroscience-Backed Framework for Wellbeing
When people think about mental health, they often search for a single breakthrough—a new insight, a medication, or a mindset shift that changes everything. But research in neuroscience and positive psychology points to something more sustainable: mental health is built through daily practices that reshape the brain and nervous system over time.
One simple and powerful framework is the 4 M’s of Mental Health:
Mindfulness, Movement, Mastery, and Meaningful Engagement
Each of these pillars supports emotional regulation, resilience, motivation, and long-term psychological wellbeing.
- Mindfulness: Creating Space Between Stimulus and Response
Mindfulness is the foundation of mental health because it teaches the nervous system how to slow down, notice, and regulate.
From a neuroscience perspective, mindfulness practices:
- Decrease activity in the amygdala, the brain’s threat detection center
- Strengthen the prefrontal cortex, which governs emotional regulation, impulse control, and wise decision-making
- Improve connectivity between the thinking and feeling centers of the brain
Rather than reacting automatically to stress, mindfulness allows a person to respond with awareness and choice.
Practices such as slow breathing, prayerful awareness, body scans, and present-moment attention help shift the nervous system out of survival mode and into a state of safety and balance. Over time, mindfulness literally rewires the brain toward greater calm and clarity. Try the free UCLA Mindful app as a great resource for guided mindfulness exercises.
- Movement: Regulating the Mind Through the Body
Mental health is not only a cognitive experience—it is a physiological one. Movement helps regulate the brain by stabilizing the body. I exercise daily, and I encourage all of my clients to do the same.
Research shows that physical activity increases:
- Serotonin, supporting mood stability
- Dopamine, enhancing motivation and focus
- Endorphins, improving emotional resilience
- BDNF (Brain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor), which supports neuroplasticity, learning, and memory
Movement also reduces cortisol (the stress hormone) and improves sleep—two crucial factors for emotional regulation.
Importantly, movement doesn’t need to be intense or extreme. Walking, stretching, strength training, yoga, or gentle daily movement all communicate safety and vitality to the nervous system. Try activities you like; otherwise, you won’t stick with them!
- Mastery: Building Confidence Through Progress
Mastery is the experience of growing competence through effort and practice. It plays a powerful role in both mental health recovery and long-term wellbeing.
Positive psychology research shows that mastery builds:
- Self-efficacy
- Motivation
- Hope
- Psychological resilience
From a neuroscience standpoint, mastery stimulates dopamine in healthy, sustainable ways—through progress rather than instant gratification. This strengthens motivation circuits and reinforces neural pathways associated with confidence and persistence.
Mastery doesn’t require perfection. It can be:
- Learning a new skill
- Practicing emotional regulation
- Maintaining sobriety one day at a time
- Becoming more consistent with healthy habits
Each small success teaches the brain: “I am capable.” Think of yourself as a lifelong learner and keep learning new things!
- Meaningful Engagement: The Healing Power of Purpose and Connection
Humans are wired for meaning and connection. Without it, comfort alone rarely produces fulfillment.
Meaningful engagement includes:
- Deep relationships
- Faith or spiritual practices
- Service to others
- Values-driven work and community involvement
Neuroscience shows that meaningful engagement increases oxytocin levels, which promote trust, emotional bonding, and stress resilience. Positive psychology research consistently demonstrates that a sense of meaning is one of the strongest predictors of psychological wellbeing.
When life feels purposeful, the brain’s reward systems activate in ways that reduce rumination and despair. Meaning gives suffering context and helps people endure hardship with hope. Life is better together!
Bringing the 4 M’s Together
The strength of this framework lies in its integration:
- Mindfulness increases awareness and emotional regulation
- Movement stabilizes mood and the nervous system
- Mastery builds confidence and motivation
- Meaningful engagement provides purpose and connection
You don’t need to excel in all four areas at once. Even modest, consistent steps in each domain can produce meaningful change over time.
Final Thought
Neuroscience calls it neuroplasticity. Psychology calls it growth. Faith calls it renewal.
When mindfulness, movement, mastery, and meaningful engagement become part of daily life, mental health shifts from simply managing symptoms to building a life that is resilient, meaningful, and whole.
Phone: 949-303-8264
Email: randy@randymoraitis.com
Website: www.randymoraitis.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RandyMoraitisCoach/
Twitter: @rmoraitis
About Dr. Randy Moraitis
Dr. Randy Moraitis is a Positive Neuropsychologist, counselor, coach, and interventionist based in Laguna Niguel, where he lives with his wife, Kim. Together they enjoy their blended family of five adult children and three grandchildren—photos always available upon request!
Randy holds a PhD in Positive Neuropsychology and is a Board-Certified Positive Neuropsychologist, Certified Intervention Professional (CIP), and CADC II. He is highly regarded for his work helping individuals and families navigate addiction, mental health challenges, and personal transformation through counseling, coaching, and professional interventions.
A multi-award-winning Board-Certified Pastoral Counselor and ordained minister, Randy brings a unique, integrated approach to healing and growth. He also holds six professional coaching certifications and specializes in executive, life, wellness, and recovery coaching.
Randy’s educational background includes a master’s degree emphasizing theology and counseling, a bachelor’s degree in management and leadership, and a certificate in health and fitness with an emphasis in exercise physiology and sports psychology from UC Irvine.
For more than 25 years, Randy has guided individuals, families, and organizations toward mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being throughout Orange County. He maintains a private practice office in Laguna Niguel, California, and sees clients and patients both in person and virtually.
The 4 M’s of Mental Health
The 4 M’s of Mental Health: A Neuroscience-Backed Framework for Wellbeing
When people think about mental health, they often search for a single breakthrough—a new insight, a medication, or a mindset shift that changes everything. But research in neuroscience and positive psychology points to something more sustainable: mental health is built through daily practices that reshape the brain and nervous system over time.
One simple and powerful framework is the 4 M’s of Mental Health:
Mindfulness, Movement, Mastery, and Meaningful Engagement
Each of these pillars supports emotional regulation, resilience, motivation, and long-term psychological wellbeing.
Mindfulness is the foundation of mental health because it teaches the nervous system how to slow down, notice, and regulate.
From a neuroscience perspective, mindfulness practices:
Rather than reacting automatically to stress, mindfulness allows a person to respond with awareness and choice.
Practices such as slow breathing, prayerful awareness, body scans, and present-moment attention help shift the nervous system out of survival mode and into a state of safety and balance. Over time, mindfulness literally rewires the brain toward greater calm and clarity. Try the free UCLA Mindful app as a great resource for guided mindfulness exercises.
Mental health is not only a cognitive experience—it is a physiological one. Movement helps regulate the brain by stabilizing the body. I exercise daily, and I encourage all of my clients to do the same.
Research shows that physical activity increases:
Movement also reduces cortisol (the stress hormone) and improves sleep—two crucial factors for emotional regulation.
Importantly, movement doesn’t need to be intense or extreme. Walking, stretching, strength training, yoga, or gentle daily movement all communicate safety and vitality to the nervous system. Try activities you like; otherwise, you won’t stick with them!
Mastery is the experience of growing competence through effort and practice. It plays a powerful role in both mental health recovery and long-term wellbeing.
Positive psychology research shows that mastery builds:
From a neuroscience standpoint, mastery stimulates dopamine in healthy, sustainable ways—through progress rather than instant gratification. This strengthens motivation circuits and reinforces neural pathways associated with confidence and persistence.
Mastery doesn’t require perfection. It can be:
Each small success teaches the brain: “I am capable.” Think of yourself as a lifelong learner and keep learning new things!
Humans are wired for meaning and connection. Without it, comfort alone rarely produces fulfillment.
Meaningful engagement includes:
Neuroscience shows that meaningful engagement increases oxytocin levels, which promote trust, emotional bonding, and stress resilience. Positive psychology research consistently demonstrates that a sense of meaning is one of the strongest predictors of psychological wellbeing.
When life feels purposeful, the brain’s reward systems activate in ways that reduce rumination and despair. Meaning gives suffering context and helps people endure hardship with hope. Life is better together!
Bringing the 4 M’s Together
The strength of this framework lies in its integration:
You don’t need to excel in all four areas at once. Even modest, consistent steps in each domain can produce meaningful change over time.
Final Thought
Neuroscience calls it neuroplasticity. Psychology calls it growth. Faith calls it renewal.
When mindfulness, movement, mastery, and meaningful engagement become part of daily life, mental health shifts from simply managing symptoms to building a life that is resilient, meaningful, and whole.
Phone: 949-303-8264
Email: randy@randymoraitis.com
Website: www.randymoraitis.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RandyMoraitisCoach/
Twitter: @rmoraitis
About Dr. Randy Moraitis
Dr. Randy Moraitis is a Positive Neuropsychologist, counselor, coach, and interventionist based in Laguna Niguel, where he lives with his wife, Kim. Together they enjoy their blended family of five adult children and three grandchildren—photos always available upon request!
Randy holds a PhD in Positive Neuropsychology and is a Board-Certified Positive Neuropsychologist, Certified Intervention Professional (CIP), and CADC II. He is highly regarded for his work helping individuals and families navigate addiction, mental health challenges, and personal transformation through counseling, coaching, and professional interventions.
A multi-award-winning Board-Certified Pastoral Counselor and ordained minister, Randy brings a unique, integrated approach to healing and growth. He also holds six professional coaching certifications and specializes in executive, life, wellness, and recovery coaching.
Randy’s educational background includes a master’s degree emphasizing theology and counseling, a bachelor’s degree in management and leadership, and a certificate in health and fitness with an emphasis in exercise physiology and sports psychology from UC Irvine.
For more than 25 years, Randy has guided individuals, families, and organizations toward mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being throughout Orange County. He maintains a private practice office in Laguna Niguel, California, and sees clients and patients both in person and virtually.
Urge Surfing: A Powerful Skill for Managing Cravings and Changing Your Brain
If you’ve ever struggled with cravings, impulses, or unhealthy habits, you know how overwhelming urges can feel. Whether it’s the urge to drink, check your phone, overeat, or fall back into an old pattern, those moments can seem almost impossible to resist.
But there’s good news: your urges are not commands. With the right tools, you can retrain your brain to respond in healthier, more life-giving ways. One of the most effective techniques—backed by neuroscience and widely used in positive psychology—is called urge surfing.
This practice can help you gain freedom from unhealthy habits, strengthen resilience, and create long-term change.
What Is Urge Surfing?
Urge surfing is a mindfulness-based technique developed by psychologist Dr. Alan Marlatt. Instead of trying to fight an urge, suppress it, or give in to it, you observe it—like watching a wave rise, peak, and fall.
Just like an ocean wave, no urge lasts forever. Most urges peak within 20–30 minutes and then naturally decline. Urge surfing helps you ride the wave with awareness instead of being pulled under by it.
The Neuroscience Behind Urge Surfing
Urge surfing works because it directly influences the brain’s impulse and self-control systems:
Urge Surfing Through the Lens of Positive Psychology
Positive psychology focuses on building strengths, resilience, and flourishing. Urge surfing aligns beautifully with this framework:
How to Practice Urge Surfing (Step-by-Step)
Why Urge Surfing Works Better Than Willpower Alone
Willpower is a limited resource. Urge surfing doesn’t rely on force—it relies on awareness, acceptance, and neuroscience. This makes it highly sustainable for long-term behavior change and a powerful tool for anyone trying to lose weight, maintain sobriety, or adopt a healthier lifestyle.
Final Thoughts
Urge surfing isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress. Every time you surf an urge instead of giving in, you strengthen your brain, your resilience, and your emotional freedom. If you’d like support in building new habits or breaking old ones, visit RandyMoraitis.com.
Phone: 949-303-8264
Email: randy@randymoraitis.com
Website: www.randymoraitis.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RandyMoraitisCoach/
Twitter: @rmoraitis
About Dr. Randy Moraitis
Dr. Randy Moraitis is a Positive Neuropsychologist, counselor, coach, and interventionist based in Laguna Niguel, where he lives with his wife, Kim. Together they enjoy their blended family of five adult children and three grandchildren—photos always available upon request!
Randy holds a PhD in Positive Neuropsychology and is a Board-Certified Positive Neuropsychologist, Certified Intervention Professional (CIP), and CADC II. He is highly regarded for his work helping individuals and families navigate addiction, mental health challenges, and personal transformation through counseling, coaching, and professional interventions.
A multi-award-winning Board-Certified Pastoral Counselor and ordained minister, Randy brings a unique, integrated approach to healing and growth. He also holds six professional coaching certifications and specializes in executive, life, wellness, and recovery coaching.
Randy’s educational background includes a master’s degree emphasizing theology and counseling, a bachelor’s degree in management and leadership, and a certificate in health and fitness with an emphasis in exercise physiology and sports psychology from UC Irvine.
For more than 25 years, Randy has guided individuals, families, and organizations toward mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being throughout Orange County. He maintains a private practice office in Laguna Niguel, California, and sees clients and patients both in person and virtually.
How to Be Happy – 5 Tips to Cultivate Contentment
By Randy Moraitis, MA, CIP, BCPC
How To Be Happy
Are you happy? Are you waiting for happiness to find you?
Research shows that winning the lottery won’t help, and despite what fairy tales depict, happiness does not appear magically. Happiness is not something that happens to you but it is something that you can cultivate!
What science tells us
Only a small percentage of the variation in people’s reports of happiness can be explained by differences in their circumstances. It appears that the bulk of what determines happiness is due to personality and — more importantly — thoughts and behaviors that can be changed.
So, yes, you can learn how to be happy — or at least happier.
Although you may have thought, as many people do, that happiness comes from being born rich or beautiful or living a stress-free life, the reality is that people who have wealth, beauty or less stress are not happier on average than those who don’t enjoy those things.
People who are happy seem to intuitively know that their happiness is the sum of their life choices, and their lives are built on the following pillars:
How to Be Happy–Practice, Practice, Practice
If you’ve been looking for happiness, the good news is that your choices, thoughts and actions can influence your level of happiness. It’s not as easy as flipping a switch, but you can turn up your happiness level. Here’s how to get started on the path to creating a happier you.
Invest In Relationships
Surround yourself with happy people. Being around people who are content buoys your own mood. And by being happy yourself, you give something back to those around you.
Friends and family help you celebrate life’s successes and support you in difficult times. Although it’s easy to take friends and family for granted, these relationships need nurturing.
Build up your emotional account with kind words and actions. Be careful and gracious with critique. Let people know that you appreciate what they do for you or even just that you’re glad they’re part of your life.
Express Gratitude
Gratitude is more than saying thank you. It’s a sense of wonder, appreciation and, yes, thankfulness for life. It’s easy to go through life without recognizing your good fortune. Often, it takes a serious illness or other tragic event to jolt people into appreciating the good things in their lives. Don’t wait for something like that to happen to you.
Make a commitment to practice gratitude. Each day identify at least one thing that enriches your life. When you find yourself thinking an ungrateful thought, try substituting a grateful one. For example, replace “My sister forgot my birthday” with “My sister has always been there for me in tough times.”
Let gratitude be the last thought before you go to sleep. Let gratitude also be your first thought when you wake up in the morning.
Cultivate Optimism
Develop the habit of seeing the positive side of things. You needn’t become overly optimistic — after all, bad things do happen. It would be silly to pretend otherwise. But you don’t have to let the negatives color your whole outlook on life. Remember that what is right about you almost always trumps what is wrong.
If you’re not an optimistic person by nature, it may take time for you to change your pessimistic thinking. Start by recognizing negative thoughts as you have them. Then take a step back and ask yourself these key questions:
Find Your Purpose
People who strive to meet a goal or fulfill a mission — whether it’s growing a garden, caring for children or finding one’s spirituality — are happier than those who don’t have such aspirations.
Having a goal provides a sense of purpose, bolsters self-esteem and brings people together. What your goal is doesn’t matter as much as whether the process of working toward it is meaningful to you.
Try to align your daily activities with the long-term meaning and purpose of your life. Research studies suggest that relationships provide the strongest meaning and purpose to your life. So cultivate meaningful relationships.
Are you engaged in something you love? If not, ask yourself these questions to discover how you can find your purpose:
Live In the Moment
Don’t postpone joy waiting for a day when your life is less busy or less stressful. That day may never come.
Instead, look for opportunities to savor the small pleasures of everyday life. Focus on the positives in the present moment, instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.
Check out this brief video on how to develop a very happy brain by: Amit Sood, MD:
Thank you to the Mayo Clinic for the info in this blog post!
Phone: 949-303-8264
Email: randy@randymoraitis.com
Website: www.randymoraitis.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RandyMoraitisCoach/
Twitter: @rmoraitis
About Randy Moraitis, MA, CIP, BCPC
Randy is married to Kim and they live in Laguna Niguel. Together they have a blended family of five adult children and three beautiful grandchildren. (If you don’t believe Randy, he will gladly show you pictures!)
Randy is a Certified Intervention Professional (CIP) and expert in helping families and individuals affected by addiction and/or mental health issues through counseling, coaching and interventions. He is a multi award-winning leader in the behavioral health industry and the leader of the acclaimed recovery program Lifelines and the nonprofit foundation CarePossible.
Randy is a Board Certified Pastoral Counselor and is both licensed and ordained. He has five professional coaching certifications and loves working with clients on executive coaching, life coaching, wellness coaching, and recovery coaching. Randy has a master’s degree with emphasis in theology and counseling, a bachelor’s degree in management and leadership, and numerous certificates including a certificate in health and fitness with emphasis in exercise physiology and sports psychology from UC Irvine. He has been leading groups, individuals and families to mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health in Orange County for over 25 years. His office is located in Laguna Niguel, CA.
4 Things to Avoid in Marriage
Over the years I have had the opportunity to do marriage counseling and coaching with hundreds of couples in a variety of settings. Each couple was unique in their own way, but often times there was a common issue among the couples. That issue had to do with how the couples communicated with each other. Their words, their tone, their facial expressions. All of these make a huge difference!
One of my favorite wisdom quotes is “encourage one another and build each other up” and this is a great standard for couples to strive for, and adhere to, when communicating to each other.
Dr. John Gottman, one of the true leaders in the field of marriage counseling, refers to The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse as a sign that a marriage is in serious trouble. As shown in the Gottman Institute graphic above, the Four Horseman are Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness and Stonewalling and they usually appear in a marriage in that order.
Let’s take a look at each of The Four Horseman and their Antidotes:
Antidote to Criticism–Instead of harshly starting a complaint that can then easily turn into criticism, try a gentle start to discussing the issue at hand, and talk about your feelings or hurts using “I” statements.
Antidote to Contempt–Instead of focusing on negative thoughts about your partner, remind yourself of why you fell in love with your partner in the first place. Focus on your partners positive qualities and be grateful for any of their positive actions in order to develop a culture of appreciation in the relationship.
Antidote to Defensiveness–While it is understandable to want to defend yourself while feeling attacked, it may be wiser to see where you can take responsibility for at least part of the issue or conflict. Try to accept your partner’s perspective and apologize for any wrongdoing on your part. From here some healing and compromise can occur.
Antidote to Stonewalling–Gottman’s research indicates that when couples reach the point of stonewalling they usually are very upset and have elevated heart rates. The research showed that by pausing to take a break and self soothe (read, go for a walk, etc.) the couples relaxed and were able to return and discuss the issue in a healthy way.
For further reading I encourage you to check out the resources at The Gottman Institute.
The Four Horseman are definitely to be avoided in marriage. Feel free to contact me if you notice any of the horseman making an appearance in your relationship.
Phone: 949-303-8264
Email: randy@randymoraitis.com
Website: www.randymoraitis.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RandyMoraitisCoach/
Instagram: @randymoraitis
About Randy Moraitis, MA, CIP, BCPC
Randy is married to Kim and they live in Laguna Niguel. Together they have a blended family of five adult children and three beautiful grandchildren. (If you don’t believe Randy, he will gladly show you pictures!)
Randy is a Certified Intervention Professional (CIP) and expert in helping families and individuals affected by addiction and/or mental health issues through counseling, coaching and interventions. He is an award-winning Board Certified Pastoral Counselor and is both licensed and ordained as a pastoral counselor. He has five professional coaching certifications and loves working with clients on executive coaching, life coaching, wellness coaching and recovery coaching. Randy has a master’s degree with emphasis in theology and counseling, a bachelor’s degree in management and leadership, and a certificate in health and fitness with emphasis in exercise physiology and sports psychology from UC Irvine. He has been leading groups, individuals and families to mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual health in Orange County for over 25 years. His office is located in Laguna Niguel, CA.
Military Suicides
By Randy Moraitis, MA, CIP, BCPC
The issue of military suicide has been a topic of great interest to me since 2013, when the VA released a study that covered suicides from 1999 to 2010, which showed that roughly 22 veterans were dying by suicide per day, or one every 65 minutes. Some sources, such as CNN and USA Today suggest that this rate may actually be low and not include some homeless veterans.
As someone with many military family and friends (including my own son), I am very passionate about educating the public about this issue, and providing solutions to help prevent military suicides.
Over five years ago we launched the nonprofit foundation CarePossible which provides free mental health and addiction treatment to veterans and military families. In that time we have been honored to help serve and save many veterans and military families.
The latest reports show that there are now 20.6 military suicides daily in our country. Wonderful news that the number has gone down slightly, but that is still way too many men and women who served our country dying unnecessarily. You can click here for a detailed report on military suicide by state.
If you have a veteran in your life, please reach out to them regularly. And if you recognize any of the following signs of suicide in yourself or others, please reach out for support:
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline offers free and confidential support to anyone in distress 24/7. Call 1-800-273-8255 24 hours a day.
CarePossible offers free metal health and addiction treatment for veterans and military families. Call 949-303-8264 for more info or fill out an application for assistance here.
If you are reading this and you are struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts–please reach out for help! You matter! I care about you! Contact me at any of the options below:
Phone: 949-303-8264
Email: randy@randymoraitis.com
Website: www.randymoraitis.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RandyMoraitisCoach/
Instagram: @randymoraitis
About Randy Moraitis, MA, CIP, BCPC
Randy is married to Kim and they live in Laguna Niguel. Together they have a blended family of five adult children and three beautiful grandchildren. (If you don’t believe Randy, he will gladly show you pictures!)
Randy is a Certified Intervention Professional (CIP) and expert in helping families and individuals affected by addiction and/or mental health issues through counseling, coaching and interventions. He is an award-winning Board Certified Pastoral Counselor and is both licensed and ordained as a pastoral counselor. He has five professional coaching certifications and loves working with clients on executive coaching, life coaching, wellness coaching and recovery coaching. Randy has a master’s degree with emphasis in theology and counseling, a bachelor’s degree in management and leadership, and a certificate in health and fitness with emphasis in exercise physiology and sports psychology from UC Irvine. He has been leading groups, individuals and families to mental, physical and spiritual health in Orange County for over 25 years. His office is located in Laguna Niguel, CA.
Healthy Protein Smoothie Recipe
By Randy Moraitis, MA, CIP, BCPC
Recently I posted the pic above on my Instagram page with the ingredients I put in my morning smoothie. I have this smoothie everyday after working out. It gives me the energy and focus I need to start the day strong!
I’m a big believer that good food equals good mood, and that good nutrition can boost our energy levels and immune systems. This smoothie has everything necessary to build and repair muscle, provide numerous nutrients, and promote a healthy gastrointestinal system. Since posting the pic I’ve been asked for the recipe, so here it is:
1 Scoop protein powder (my favorites are Muscle Milk 100% Whey and Arbonne Vegan Protein
Mix)
3-4 Baby Carrots
1/4 cup Baby Spinach
1/2 Banana
1/4 Cup Kefir
1 Tablespoon Apple Cider Vinegar
1 Tablespoon Ground Flax Seed
1 Teaspoon Psyllium Husk
1 Scoop Garden of Life Green Superfood
1/4 to 1/2 Cup Coconut Water
1 Teaspoon Aloe Vera Juice
1/2 Cup Frozen Fruit (Blueberries, Cherries, Strawberries, Mango, Etc.)
Crushed Ice
Water
First I fill the blender with all the ingredients, then I top off with the crushed ice and water based on how much space is left in the blender cup I use.
I love the Ninja blender. It comes with several different size cups so I can make larger or smaller versions of the smoothie to either share or take on the road.
Feel free to modify any part of the recipe to your taste and needs. If you are sensitive to soy or whey, be sure to use a vegan protein instead. Bon appetit!
I’d love to hear your feedback or any healthy recipes you love!
Phone: 949-303-8264
Email: randy@randymoraitis.com
Website: www.randymoraitis.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RandyMoraitisCoach/
Instagram: @randymoraitis
About Randy Moraitis, MA, CIP, BCPC
Randy is married to Kim and they live in Laguna Niguel. Together they have a blended family of five adult children and three beautiful grandchildren. (If you don’t believe Randy, he will gladly show you pictures!)
Randy is a Certified Intervention Professional (CIP) and expert in helping families and individuals affected by addiction and/or mental health issues through counseling, coaching and interventions. He is an award-winning Board Certified Pastoral Counselor and is both licensed and ordained as a pastoral counselor. He has five professional coaching certifications and loves working with clients on executive coaching, life coaching, wellness coaching and recovery coaching. Randy has a master’s degree with emphasis in theology and counseling, a bachelor’s degree in management and leadership, and a certificate in health and fitness with emphasis in exercise physiology and sports psychology from UC Irvine. He has been leading groups, individuals and families to mental, physical and spiritual health in Orange County for over 25 years. His office is located in Laguna Niguel, CA.
“FLIRT” for Relationship Healing
By Randy Moraitis, MA, CIP, BCPC
I love that I get to do a lot of relationship counseling and coaching as part of my practice. As you may have experienced, when we have conflict in our most important relationships, it can really be hard to focus on anything else until we resolve that conflict.
Years ago, I found a great resource for relationship conflict resolution on the website www.therapistaid.com. I have modified the info to make it easier to remember and to put into action.
This info is useful in premarital counseling to give couples a tool for success, and it is useful for couples who have been together for any length of time to guide them towards healing through conflict. Couples are supposed to be a team. And all winning teams play from the same playbook—so this info becomes part of a couple’s relationship playbook.
Whenever you find yourself in a relationship conflict situation, try using the acrostic FLIRT to start moving towards healing and resolution.
FLIRT
F—Focus—start by focusing on the problem, not the person!
Whenever a disagreement turns to personal insults, raised voices or rude and mocking tones, the discussion is no longer useful or productive. It is wise to stay focused on the actual problem without playing the blame game. And if the disagreement becomes personal, nothing will likely be resolved, so it is smart to hit the pause button and take a breather.
L—Listening—use reflective listening!
Have you ever noticed how during arguments we focus more on getting our own point across instead of listening to our partner? Sometimes we can spend the entire time that they are talking just thinking about our rebuttals and comebacks—not productive! What is much more productive is reflective listening. This is where, when the other person finishes speaking, you restate what they have said in your own words. You do this until they agree that you truly understand them. Next, you share your side and then it is their turn to reflect back what you said. Reflective listening helps both side feel listened to and understood.
I—Use “I” Statements!
This is a common practice in support groups and 12 step groups to keep the conversation healthy. Here’s how it works: when sharing a concern, begin your sentence with “I”. For example— “I feel angry when you are late for dinner”. This sentence format shows that we are taking responsibility for our emotions instead of blaming our partner. When we start with “you”, we can put our partner on the defensive which makes it harder to have healing and resolution.
R—Resolution
Remember that the goal is to work toward a resolution. Conflict and disagreements are a normal part of relationships. But if it seems clear that you and your partner will not agree, focus on a resolution instead. Try to find a compromise that benefits you both. Relationships aren’t just about what you get out of them—they are about giving. Ask yourself if this disagreement really matters to your relationship, and if not, then let yourself let go and move on.
T—Know When to Take a Time Out!
Just one mean or negative statement made to your partner can cause lasting damage. If you and your partner become argumentative, insulting or aggressive, then it’s a great idea to take a time-out. Have it be part of the culture of your relationship that you or your partner can call for a break when needed. Spend some time doing something alone that is relaxing. When both parties have calmed down, then you can return to solving the problem. And definitely be sure that you do return—it isn’t wise to leave important matters unresolved.
Next time you find yourself in conflict, try the FLIRT method to move towards healing. Better yet, share this info with your most significant relationships even before the next conflict arises so that everyone is playing from the same playbook!
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic or answer any questions you may have.
Phone: 949-303-8264
Email: randy@randymoraitis.com
Website: www.randymoraitis.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RandyMoraitisCoach/
Instagram: @randymoraitis
About Randy Moraitis, MA, CIP, BCPC
Randy is married to Kim and they live in Laguna Niguel. Together they have a blended family of five adult children and three beautiful grandchildren. (If you don’t believe Randy, he will gladly show you pictures!)
Randy is a Certified Intervention Professional (CIP) and expert in helping families and individuals affected by addiction and/or mental health issues through counseling, coaching and interventions. He is an award-winning Board Certified Pastoral Counselor and is both licensed and ordained as a pastoral counselor. He has five professional coaching certifications and loves working with clients on executive coaching, life coaching, wellness coaching and recovery coaching. Randy has a master’s degree with emphasis in theology and counseling, a bachelor’s degree in management and leadership, and a certificate in health and fitness with emphasis in exercise physiology and sports psychology from UC Irvine. He has been leading groups, individuals and families to mental, physical and spiritual health in Orange County for over 25 years. His office is located in Laguna Niguel, CA.
Kills, Fills, Skills and Pills for Anxiety and Depression
By Randy Moraitis, MA, CIP, BCPC
Over the past 15 years I’ve had the opportunity to lead numerous anxiety and depression support groups with sometimes up to 100 brave and wonderful participants. In one of these early groups I learned a great lesson from a psychiatrist I recruited to help lead the group, and I want to share that lesson here with you!
The lesson is to use Kills, Fills, Skills and Pills as a tool for conquering or managing anxiety and/or depression.
KILLS–this is where you look at what are the toxins in your life that could contribute to anxiety or depression. What are the causes or stressors that you have in your life that you can kill or eliminate? Examples of things to kill (or at least reduce) include drug or alcohol abuse, poor nutrition, toxic relationships, too much caffeine. You get the idea.
Stop and ask yourself right now–what could you kill?
FILLS–these are healthy things that we can add to our lives. Examples of fills include exercise, proper nutrition (good food=good mood!), nurturing friendships, prayer, support groups, and counseling.
Stop and ask yourself right now–what is a healthy fill that you can start doing?
SKILLS–this is where you make the effort to learn some new skills to learn how to cope with stress in healthy ways. Healthy skills to learn include mindful breathing exercises, setting and maintaining boundaries, processing anger, and processing grief.
Stop and ask yourself right now–what is one skill that you could learn to be healthier?
PILLS–this is where we ask whether supplements or medication may be needed as part of the treatment. While it is best to get your nutrition from a balanced diet, often times people who are experiencing anxiety and depression don’t feel like cooking so they may not have the best diet. Some supplements that may be helpful include fish oil, Vitamin D, 5 HTP, and CALM. And sometimes prescription medication may be necessary–there should be no shame or stigma if this is the case.
Stop and ask yourself right now–could supplements or medication help me? If you answer yes, please make an appointment to see your physician to discuss!
If you are ever affected by anxiety or depression, give Kills, Fills, Skills and Pills a try as a tool to help you manage, or even conquer, your anxiety or depression.
If you are having severe symptoms I urge you to contact your physician immediately and to get counseling to learn more tools for healing. Please feel free to contact me if you need a referral to a psychiatrist or if you’d like to learn more about counseling and coaching for anxiety and depression.
Phone: 949-303-8264
Email: randy@randymoraitis.com
Website: www.randymoraitis.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RandyMoraitisCoach/
Twitter: @rmoraitis
About Randy Moraitis, MA, CIP, BCPC
Randy is married to Kim and they live in Laguna Niguel. Together they have a blended family of five adult children and three beautiful grandchildren. (If you don’t believe Randy, he will gladly show you pictures!)
Randy is a Certified Intervention Professional (CIP) and expert in helping families and individuals affected by addiction and/or mental health issues through counseling, coaching and interventions. He is an award winning Board Certified Pastoral Counselor and is both licensed and ordained as a pastoral counselor. He has five professional coaching certifications and loves working with clients on executive coaching, life coaching, wellness coaching and recovery coaching. Randy has a master’s degree with emphasis in theology and counseling, a bachelor’s degree in management and leadership, and a certificate in health and fitness with emphasis in exercise physiology and sports psychology from UC Irvine. He has been leading groups, individuals and families to mental, physical and spiritual health in Orange County for over 25 years.
Pharmacogenomics–The Promise of Personalized Medicine
By Randy Moraitis, MA, CIP, BCPC
I recently attended a very interesting training on Pharmacogenomics that so impressed me I really felt the need to share what I learned with others in order to help as many people as possible.
Pharmacogenomics is the study of how genes affect a person’s response to drugs. This is a relatively new field that combines pharmacology (the science of drugs) and genomics (the study of genes and their functions).
Pharmacogenomics analyzes how one’s genetic makeup affects their response to certain drugs. Having this information can be helpful in numerous ways. It can save money, save time, and even save lives.
One actual case history we studied in the class involved a 30-year-old female who had a c-section. She had severe post partum pain and was prescribed codeine to treat the pain. The patient had severe side effects from the codeine, and the codeine passed through to her nursing baby causing severe problems and sadly, the baby died.
Later testing showed that the patient was an ultra rapid metabolizer of codeine, and had her doctor known this fact, she would have been prescribed different medication.
Another case we studied involved a young adult male who was prescribed wellbutrin for anxiety and depression. He then became much worse and was suicidal. Testing revealed that wellbutrin was not a good fit, so his medication was changed. He immediately felt better, lost all suicidal ideation, and reported feeling much less anxiety and depression.
Undergoing the pharmacogenomics (PGx) testing seems wise for anyone taking medication for pain management, mental health, or addiction treatment. It can save time, money, and even one’s life.
The cost for the test varies between $300-$500 and may be reimbursed by insurance.
This is a newer field of study and is worth discussing with your physician. There were multiple physicians in the class I took and they all seemed very interested in how this science may help their patients.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic or be a resource to you if needed.
Phone: 949-303-8264
Email: randy@randymoraitis.com
Websites: www.carepossible.com, www.randymoraitis.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RandyMoraitisCoach/
Twitter: @rmoraitis
About Randy Moraitis, MA, CIP, BCPC
Randy is married to Kim and they live in Laguna Niguel. Together they have a blended family of five adult children and three beautiful grandchildren. (If you don’t believe Randy, he will gladly show you pictures!)
Randy is a Certified Intervention Professional (CIP) and expert in helping families and individuals affected by addiction and/or mental health issues through counseling, coaching and interventions. He is a Board Certified Pastoral Counselor and is both licensed and ordained as a pastoral counselor. He has five professional coaching certifications and loves working with clients on executive coaching, life coaching, wellness coaching and recovery coaching. Randy has a master’s degree with emphasis in theology and counseling, a bachelor’s degree in management and leadership, and a certificate in health and fitness with emphasis in exercise physiology and sports psychology from UC Irvine. He has been leading groups, individuals and families to mental, physical and spiritual healthy in Orange County for over 25 years.
Anger Management 101
By Randy Moraitis, MA, CIP, BCPC
Do you ever struggle with anger? Maybe when someone cuts you off or fails to use their turn signal in traffic? You are not alone! A quick Google search for anger management groups gets about 6 million listings!
I usually have at least several clients in my practice who struggle with anger and I’ve observed that anger often stems from one of two F words (no, not that F word!). The F words I’m referring to are FEAR and FRUSTRATION. When we have fear or frustration, we often respond with anger.
Take a look at this Anger Iceberg from the highly respected Gottman Institute for some more common emotions often hidden under the surface of one’s anger.
One of the first steps in anger management is to know your triggers. What get’s you going? Once you know your triggers then you can have a plan to work on staying calm when triggered. I love this quote from Thomas Jefferson:
Here are some anger management tips to help you stay calm, cool and collected.
1. Think Before Speaking–Thomas Jefferson’s advice is full of wisdom. When we speak while angry, we are more likely to say something we later regret. Count to ten (or one hundred if needed) before lashing out in anger. You will be glad you did!
2. Practice Mindful Breathing–Breathing exercises are a great tool to help us stay calm and diffuse anger. I recommend free apps like Stop, Breathe, Think; Calm: or Headspace for guided breathing exercises. Mindful breathing exercises help get the fight or flight system under control.
3. Physical Exercise–When feeling angry in the moment go for a walk or a jog. Or take in a group class like yoga or Brazilian jiu jitsu. By the end of the workout you’ll probably feel a lot better.
4. Press the Pause Button–If you’re getting angry at your spouse or kids, consider taking a brief time out to cool down and reassess the situation before you say something hurtful or that you will regret. Go into a different room, or even step outside for a few minutes before reengaging.
5. Try Forgiveness–Yes, another F word! It has been said that holding on to a grudge is like taking poison and expecting it to kill the other person. Not forgiving is not healthy, so do your best to move towards forgiveness and healing.
6. Get Help If Needed–I once had a client that would throw their cell phone at a wall every time they got angry. When someone has frequent, uncontrollable anger outbursts, they may need more than just self help. Many churches and community centers offer free or low cost anger support groups. There is no shame in your game if you’re trying to be the healthiest version of yourself!
I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic or be a resource to you if needed.
Phone: 949-303-8264
Email: randy@randymoraitis.com
Websites: www.carepossible.com, www.randymoraitis.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RandyMoraitisCoach/
Twitter: @rmoraitis
Randy is married to Kim and they live in Laguna Niguel. Together they have a blended family of five adult children and three beautiful grandchildren. (If you don’t believe Randy, he will gladly show you pictures!)Randy is a Certified Intervention Professional (CIP) and expert in helping families and individuals affected by addiction and/or mental health issues through counseling, coaching and interventions. He is a Board Certified Pastoral Counselor and is both licensed and ordained as a pastoral counselor. He has five professional coaching certifications and loves working with clients on executive coaching, life coaching, wellness coaching and recovery coaching. Randy has a master’s degree with emphasis in theology and counseling, a bachelors degree in management and leadership, and a certificate in health and fitness with emphasis in exercise physiology and sports psychology from UC Irvine. He has been leading groups, individuals and families to mental, physical and spiritual healthy in Orange County for over 25 years.