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teen drug testing

Should I Drug Test My Teen?

People often ask me whether they should drug test their teen. I believe that home drug testing of teens is a great tool, but like any tool, it must be used properly. Here are some facts to guide you in your decision making:

Easy Access–Home drug tests can be purchased online or in most pharmacies. Before purchasing, be sure to do some research online, or ask your physician or pharmacist for their recommendation. Be aware that home drug tests do not test for every drug, but they are still very useful.

Peer Pressure Victory–Most teens will inevitably be faced with peer pressure or circumstances to try drugs. If you let your teen know that they will be randomly drug tested, then you are giving them a safe way out of these pressure filled situations. This can be very powerful!

Tested Positive—Now What?–Think through how you will respond if your teen tests positive. Start with an honest heart-to-heart and try to find out what is going on in your teen’s life. Schedule an appointment with a counselor specializing in addictions. Continue testing and if there are more positive results get your teen into treatment.

Tested Negative—Now What?–A negative test deserves praise and still serves as an opportunity for honest discussion about drugs and alcohol—a subject that many are uncomfortable to discuss. Create a culture in your family where it is safe to talk about anything.

Also, keep in mind that a negative test may also mean that drugs have simply already passed through your teen’s system and are no longer detectable. If you observe suspicious behavior, follow your intuition and test again soon or consult with your physician or a counselor.

Parenting teens is hard! The wise parent will use every tool in the toolbox and drug testing is a great tool. I’d enjoy hearing your thoughts on this subject. You can email me at randy@randymoraitis.com or visit my websites www.randymoraitis.com or www.thecrossing.com.

By Randy Moraitis, MA, BCPC, CPC

I once heard it said that raising a teenager is like trying to nail jello to a tree–very challenging. I should know, I’m on my fifth teen and I’ve got the gray hairs to prove it!

Parents of teens have so much to worry about when their teens go out–alcohol, illegal drugs, prescription drugs, texting while driving–the list is very long and very scary.

Before your teen goes out, as part of setting clear expectations and boundaries, be sure to ask these five questions:

1. What will you be doing?

2. Where will you be going?

3. Who will you be with?

4. When will you be home?

5. How can I reach you?

By asking these questions, and only allowing your teen to go out once you have the answers, you are being a very proactive and responsible parent and sending a message to your teen that you love them and are paying attention.

Next blog–“Should I drug test my teen?”

I’d enjoy hearing your thoughts on this subject. You can email me at randy@randymoraitis.com or visit my websites ==www.randymoraitis.com or www.thecrossing.com

Couple arguing

By Randy Moraitis, MA, BCPC, CPC

Have you heard the joke, “A codependent is a person who, when they die, someone else’s life flashes before their eyes?”

That joke is really an unfortunate sign of the times and indicative of just how widespread codependency is.

So exactly what is a codependent? Melody Beattie, a leading expert and author on the subject of codependency, offers up this definition:

“A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior. Codependency involves a habitual system of thinking, feeling, and behaving toward ourselves and others that causes us pain.”

Causes of Codependency

The roots of codependency can often be found in one’s family of origin. If a family is dysfunctional, a child may grow up to be codependent. Physical, sexual, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual abuse can all lead to the abused person becoming codependent.

With the proliferation of addiction to drugs and alcohol in our society, a byproduct is that we see an increase in those who struggle with codependency.

Five Core Symptoms of Codependency

1. Difficulty experiencing appropriate levels of self-esteem.

2. Difficulty setting healthy, functional boundaries.

3. Difficulty owning one’s personal reality: body, thoughts, feelings, behavior.

4. Difficulty acknowledging and meeting one’s own needs, wants, and being
interdependent.

5. Difficulty experiencing and moderately expressing reality.

Moving Toward Recovery and Away from Codependency

There is hope for the codependent! By learning to detach from the person who is the focus of codependency one can begin to be set free and start living their own life. It is important for the person struggling with codependency to learn to love themselves, find their purpose in life and learn the art of acceptance.

If you or someone you know struggles with any of the above five core symptoms, please consider taking the following steps to begin the healing process:

1. Attend a CoDa (Codependents Anonymous) support group www.coda.org.

2. See a counselor or therapist to work on pain from your past.

3. Work with a recovery coach who can help you get unstuck and have a healthy
breakthrough.

I would love to hear from you on this important topic. Contact me at randy@randymoraitis.com. Websites: www.randymoraitis.com and www.thecrossing.com.

 christmas tree
By Randy Moraitis, MA, CIP, BCPC

1. What’s up with mistletoe? Mistletoe, the only plant to rival roses for inspiring kisses, was originally used by Druid priests 200 years before the birth of Christ in their winter celebrations. They revered the plant since it had no roots yet remained green during the cold months of winter.

The ancient Celtics believed mistletoe to have magical healing powers and used it as an antidote for poison, infertility, and to ward off evil spirits. The plant was also seen as a symbol of peace, and it is said that among Romans, enemies who met under mistletoe would lay down their weapons and embrace.

Scandinavians associated the plant with Frigga, their goddess of love, and it may be from this that we derive the custom of kissing under the mistletoe. Those who kissed under the mistletoe had the promise of happiness and good luck in the following year.

So mistletoe is more related to wintertime, than Christmas, but it’s use is highly encouraged by this writer.

2. The stable truth. The biblical story about the birth of Christ does not actually mention a stable. It does mention a manger which often leads people to think the baby Jesus was born in a barn. In reality, Jesus was probably born in a cave or, according to archaeology experts, Jesus was probably born in the house of relatives, but outside of the normal living and guest quarters. Quite a humble beginning.

3. Who were The Three Kings? Sorry to totally mess up your nativity scene (mine, too!) but there is no actual mention of “kings” in the biblical account of Christ’s birth. The Bible does say that wise men, also called “magi”, (but not Kings) visited Jesus. And it never says there were three of them. The word used for “magi” is plural, there were more than one, but people assume there were three because of the three gifts—gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Bottom line, they were not kings and there may not have been three of them!

4. Is Christmas really Jesus’ birthday? Although it is possible, it is very unlikely that Jesus was born on December 25th. No one knows for sure the exact date of Christ’s birth. The date chosen to celebrate it may be related to the Roman Saturnalia festival that lasted from the 17th -23rd of December. December 25th was chosen somewhere during the 4th century AD by the heads of the church. People were already used to gathering, so why not celebrate the birth of Christ?

5. Who is Santa Claus? Yes, Virginia, there really was a Santa Claus! The origin of Santa Claus began in the 4th century with the real Saint Nicholas, a Bishop in present day Turkey. By all accounts St. Nicholas was a generous and devoted Christ follower. He was particularly devoted to children. His kindness and reputation for generosity gave rise to much folklore that has spread and increased across cultures and through the years.

6. What about Jesus? Who was he? Did he really exist or was he a mythological character? There can be no doubt that Jesus actually existed and that he walked the earth. Sources outside of the Bible clearly confirm this. We may not have all the facts and cast of characters of our nativity scenes completely accurate, but we can rest assured that Jesus Christ was born, that his birth has been celebrated for two thousand years, and that he is the reason for the season. Merry Christmas!

Do you have any interesting Christmas facts or fallacies? I would love to hear them! Contact me at randy@randymoraitis.com or 949-303-8264. Websites: www.randymoraitis.com and www.carepossible.org.

About Randy Moraitis
Randy is married to Kim and they live in Laguna Niguel. Together they have a blended family of five adult children and three beautiful grandchildren. (If you don’t believe Randy he will gladly show you pictures!) Randy is a Certified Intervention Professional (CIP) and expert in helping families affected by addiction and/or mental health issues. He is a Board Certified Pastoral Counselor and is both licensed and ordained as a pastoral counselor. He has five professional coaching certifications and loves working with clients on executive coaching, life coaching, wellness coaching and recovery coaching. Randy has a master’s degree with emphasis in theology and counseling, a bachelors degree in management and leadership, and a certificate in health and fitness with emphasis in exercise physiology and sports psychology from UC Irvine. He has been helping groups, individuals and families get mentally, physically and spiritually healthy in Orange County for over 25 years.

forgive
Have you ever been hurt? Have you ever been betrayed by a friend? Have you ever had someone close let you down? Have you ever been a victim? Have you ever had someone you love break your heart?

If you have, I am so sorry you experienced that, and I am glad you are reading this because I want to help you get over that hurt. To get to a place of forgiveness.

Forgiving those who have hurt us, who have violated our trust, who have broken our hearts, who have damaged us…maybe done unspeakable things to us…well, it seems so unfair and unnatural

What if the other person isn’t sorry? Or what if they’re not even alive anymore? How can we forgive them? And why should we?

Let’s look at the “why” first. When you forgive someone, it is not for them. It is for you. Having forgiveness as a part of your life is good for your mental, physical, and spiritual health. The Stanford Forgiveness Project clearly showed that there are numerous benefits to forgiveness

Keep in mind that forgiving someone does not mean that you forget what he or she did or that you excuse what they did. It also does not mean that you must reconcile with the person who hurt you. Forgiveness is not about the other person—it is about you.

When you forgive, you experience healing. There is a great quote that says, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was YOU.” (Lewis B. Smedes)

So how do you forgive?

1. It starts with a decision. You wrap your mind around how forgiveness is a healthy choice that will bring you freedom and healing, and then you decide to do it. You take ownership for forgiving. Oftentimes we have problems, stress, and unhealthiness in our lives because we do not take ownership of our issues. We do not own our business, our stuff. Own the decision to forgive the person who hurt you.

2. The second step is to be honest about the hurt. Don’t minimize it. Don’t live in denial. Don’t blame yourself. And don’t make excuses for the person who hurt you.

It is OK to get angry when working through forgiveness. That is part of the process. Everything on your “unforgiven” list represents something that was lost or taken from you. In order to have forgiveness for painful hurts, we need to start by grieving the loss. We do that by acknowledging the anger and the sadness.

Do not stuff the hurts. Be honest with yourself, and even consider talking with a counselor or therapist who will provide you with a safe place to process the pain and anger. If you do harbor any unforgiveness, perhaps today is the day you can begin to experience the healing and freedom you need and deserve. The choice is yours. Choose wisely.

I would love to hear your thoughts–randy@randymoraitis.com. www.randymoraitis.com www.thecrossing.com.